Well Christmas is just around the corner and I am sure we all have our wish list of what we want to have waiting for us under the tree. Of course as we get older if we want something we can simply just buy it so hopefully the spouse has found something of particular interest for us. Of all of the things we have ever wanted to find under the tree clothes are typically the last thing we want to find waiting for us, no matter our age or status. As kids clothes aren’t clothes to play with so less exciting and is defiantly a way for parents to sneak some presents in with the daily household operating budget. And then as adults we have our specific style and typically what others buy for us don’t mix with that style. Beyond that clothes rarely actually fit properly when others buy them and I am sure the return rate of ill fitting clothes gives anyone who works clothing retail panic attacks. So don’t get me clothes, well perhaps a minor exception.
It’s Christmas Eve and your drink the milk and eating some cookies. The kids are tucked into bed dreaming of flying sleighs. In order to ease their excitement you let them open up one present, just a specific one and they take out a new pair of pajamas. It may not be exciting but it works. You and the wife sit down and take in the sight of the stockings hung by the reasonable facsimile of a chimney house entry point as hanging them by the furnace in the basement just doesn’t have the same feel and you are quite sure the 95% efficient furnace would cremate old saint Nicholas. You’re both tired and sure that tomorrow is going to be an early morning and you wonder if anesthesiologists ever seriously consider plying their trade on their children. Your wife take a parcel from under the tree and hands it to you. Your not in the mood as your tired but she insists fair is fair if they get one so should we. It is a light box suspiciously similar to the ones the kids just tore into. You set your glass down and start to open it carefully, then you see a hint of the box, a pink stripe. You get a little excited and open the wrapping a little less carefully, yup pink stripes of alternating shades. You start to let loose with the reckless abandon from your childhood hoping it was was a ninja turtle but now you see a pink stripped box with Victoria Secret on the front and for you it looks like the SNES box you got in 1990. You look at your wife and she smiles. You open the lid and there nestled in the pink tissue paper is a set of black satin pajamas, not overtly feminine but just enough. Just what you wanted after all. You thank her and then strip down and pull on your new wardrobe addition you feel the cool smooth fell of satin and give your wife a quick fashion show. You both snuggle a bit in the glow of the tree before finally heading to bed to get some rest before the insanity of the next morning.
This is of course a work of fiction as I have no children. It does however highlight the feeling some of us may have at Christmas when we open a package to find a pair of boxers and not panties, I suppose it is akin to The Hockey Sweater¹. While I am content to never get male clothing under the tree ever again I would be excited to open up boxes of lingerie. Don’t forget to add some on your letter to Santa this year and if you have been really good (or perhaps bad) perhaps Mrs. Claus will put a special box for you under the tree this year.
I hope everyone enjoys this holiday season be it Christmas, Hanukah, Yule, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, and every other holiday that happens at this time of year.
¹This is a specific Canadian (perhaps Canadiens) cultural touchstone from a children’s book. You can go to the wikipedia here for the overview. You can also watch the National Film Board of Canada animation Here. But the quick version is a mother orders a new jersey for the son and instead of getting a Montreal Canadiens jersey they sent a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. Now he luckily survives though he is persecuted as the fans of these teams are rather passionate. It does highlight the feeling of opening the box to find the exact wrong thing.