What if I never go back?


As I travel down my personal road of gender discovery a question that has been there is really showing its head, what if I never go back? I think in part that is something that has held me back from being her as much as I would like. What if I put on the skirt one day and never really ever take it off? That fear of then facing the trans road and all that comes with that. I don’t think I have that fear anymore. While I look back on my life and realise that I have always been a girl I have also always been a boy. Had I been born female I am pretty sure I would have been content with it, perhaps a bit of a tom boy but contently female. I also know that I am content being a man, I don’t feel any serious dysphoria with my body and my gender.

So what if I never go back? What if one day I go as a woman and stay as a woman? Well I’m actually fine with that now. I can’t see myself ever going all of the way with hormones and surgery but I think if I decide to just use the one half of my closet and live as a woman in a man’s body I am fine with that outcome. If I were to wake up as a woman through some means I would likely be pretty freaked out at first and then settle into it. But I am also fairly sure that at that point I would start to feel some gender dysphoria. I am pretty comfortable with being all woman but with one detail, I don’t have any desire to be ALL woman if you catch my drift.

In summary I guess I don’t have any fear that I will never go back because I enjoy being a man, I just happen to also enjoy being a woman. I think releasing myself from this fear has allowed me to go deeper than previously possible. I am now allowing myself to fully embrace my femininity and all that comes with it, knowing full well that I am always able to go back.

So if you are sometimes wondering the same question then I suppose the answer is, if you cross over and never go back then you just never go back. Enjoy it and live your life as you.

One thought on “What if I never go back?

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