Way back in 2015 I wrote something about how I was jealous of a woman walking down the street. This was not a one off occurrence and I am sure most of those who are spread through the gender spectrum can relate to it. Over the years I have seen many women wearing something and my mind goes “I wish I was wearing that” such as an open back shirt showing off the lace bralette straps or a really nice skirt. I suppose in some ways this could be categorised as gender dysphoria but I never really saw it that way, because I am not transgender in the common use of the term. I am transgender but I am not the switch everything over and live trans person. Really it’s like I have my house that I live in and then the cottage I head out to, as opposed to buying a whole new house. To keep that theme going I suppose I am currently renovating the house and making it a bit more like the cottage.
So what do I mean by I’m not Jealous anymore? That’s exactly what I mean, I don’t see women wearing clothes that I would like to wear and think “I wish I could wear that” I think “Oh maybe I should get something like that”. I am ever so slowly letting off the shackles that society has placed on me and accepting that I am both her and him is a huge part of that process. It’s been very freeing needless to say. While I accept I’ll never pass as a woman 100% I am now able to strive to that goal. And when I see a woman walking down the street I don’t feel the jealousy but instead appreciation and a goal. Since I accepted being bigender and that I am both I have been happier but also more at ease with myself. I have felt this way previously when I have accepted that I am more feminine than I admitted to myself before that. I think I am finally near the bottom of the rabbit hole.