I am not Jealous Anymore

Way back in 2015 I wrote something about how I was jealous of a woman walking down the street. This was not a one off occurrence and I am sure most of those who are spread through the gender spectrum can relate to it. Over the years I have seen many women wearing something and my mind goes “I wish I was wearing that” such as an open back shirt showing off the lace bralette straps or a really nice skirt. I suppose in some ways this could be categorised as gender dysphoria but I never really saw it that way, because I am not transgender in the common use of the term. I am transgender but I am not the switch everything over and live trans person. Really it’s like I have my house that I live in and then the cottage I head out to, as opposed to buying a whole new house. To keep that theme going I suppose I am currently renovating the house and making it a bit more like the cottage.

I can just wear the skirt I was jealous of

So what do I mean by I’m not Jealous anymore? That’s exactly what I mean, I don’t see women wearing clothes that I would like to wear and think “I wish I could wear that” I think “Oh maybe I should get something like that”. I am ever so slowly letting off the shackles that society has placed on me and accepting that I am both her and him is a huge part of that process. It’s been very freeing needless to say. While I accept I’ll never pass as a woman 100% I am now able to strive to that goal. And when I see a woman walking down the street I don’t feel the jealousy but instead appreciation and a goal. Since I accepted being bigender and that I am both I have been happier but also more at ease with myself. I have felt this way previously when I have accepted that I am more feminine than I admitted to myself before that. I think I am finally near the bottom of the rabbit hole.

2 thoughts on “I am not Jealous Anymore

  1. First, I love that skirt and you pair it well with the hose, heels and top.
    Second the more we do what we like to do the more liberated we feel when doing it. If I were younger and if my wife were more willing to allow me to take risks I think I would be out more often. These are big ifs. Lately I have been wearing pantyhose under my shorts while out and about and that seems to be OK in stores and restaurants. My preference would be to be fully dressed and made up but I do not come close to passing and to be with her could be a bit embarassing.
    You seem to have turned a major corner in being able to live in both your house and your cottage.

    1. Old Navy pencil skirt surprisingly. And the top is Costco, as it turns out Costco women’s clothing fits my torso very well.
      My suggestion has always been to go as far as you want with dressing and to the edge or just past your comfort zone. But then as you point out we must take into account others in our lives as our image impacts them also. It’s a social negotiation with everyone. I am less concerned with passing than I used to be as I simply won’t but I am for my into doing the best job I can with what I have territory. A journey for sure.

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