One thing that has always bothered me is not getting out as a woman. I have so many nice clothes and never wore them around people aside from the spouse. There was an event a few years back my one gay leatherman friend invited me to and it was a BDSM get together at a gay bar. Now this event wasn’t a gay BDSM event just a general Kink get together with some demos and door prizes and he said it would be a good place to go out. He was right, BDSM isn’t my thing but they are open and friendly and had no issues with any of the Kink community. The one really drunk slightly creepy regular who happened to be there was an issue. He seemed to be into me in a creepy drunken state and at one point stared at me and then grabbed one of my breasts and squeezed it. One of my first times out as a woman and I was sexually assaulted, great job man making the rest of us look bad. Haven’t been out to a group gathering since in part as that guy turned me off going to the gay bar. I’ve had guys hit on me in guy mode or send me a drink but creepy guys groping my breasts while I’m there with my girlfriend is a no go. Beyond that sure I’m in Canada which is rather liberal (Gays and trans in military in the 90’s, gay marriage in 2006, gender identity covered legally by updates to charter of rights and freedoms, government funding for certain transgender procedures) I am in a rather conservative area.
Now I have been at work as a woman and last week said I would be a woman more often than a man and they are ok with it. But there are 4 of us in the office so it is a rather safe space. My supervisor asked me to be more out (we have known each other for 10 years before I worked there 5 years ago so boss/friend) and it was the push I needed. I started messaging friends at letting them know which is going well and will be topic for a future post. One I haven’t talked to in years and I had a great chat and we met for coffee the next day.
So I decide this is the time. Before heading over to Starbucks I put on women’s jeans, my breasts, and a loose fitting women’s sweater. I know that nothing is likely to happen, I can handle it, and my friend would rip them apart, seriously she would wreck them. I meet her at Starbucks and we get a couple coffee’s and catch up, didn’t touch on the whole bigender thing for an hour and a half. I was fairly relaxed and didn’t notice anything awry from anyone, may have been a couple looks or my imagination. I mean after all I had chosen a top that did not highlight my chest. Only two minor issues came up. First the mother of another old friend walked in, but she just got some coffee and walked out. The second issue came when I went to use the washroom. No coat was covering my top so exposed, a couple of teenage girls noticed and looked whispered something but who cares? I get to the washroom and there is a men’s and a women’s, I pause then reach for the men’s door. Occupied. I stand there wondering if I should just go into the women’s. Am I ready to do it? I mean sure I’m presenting somewhat female but should I do it? Again a topic for another day. Then the door opens and the men’s is free. A single person washroom with single toilet so not exactly sure why there is a men’s and a women’s at this point. Use the washroom and head back. I had left my friend with my phone to browse pictures. She asks what is with the glasses? I laugh, because I wear glasses. Minor prescription not needed for driving but reduces stress when using screens, movies etc. Then we got into the gender aspects for an hour. Then another 30 minutes in the parking lot. We she put on some weight after her mid twenties, ok a lot of weight, but is getting ti back down and wants to be bikini ready again by 40 or 18 months or so. So now we have a deal both bikini body ready by our 40th which are two weeks apart.
So it was great to get together with an old friend and we barely missed a beat after nearly a decade. But beyond that out in women’s clothes in public with little safety net and I felt safe and 95% at ease. I finally feel like I can do this, sure I won’t pass as a woman but people aren’t likely to make a big deal either.