What does Transitioning mean for me?


Transitioning is one of the scariest words in crossdressing because that is what everyone fears we will do. But what does it actually mean? It means the process of changing from one state to another. That is it. It does not mean you are going all in and going all the way and giving up male life if you are transitioning to a more feminine one. And looking back I have transitioned many times over the years. First being a crossdresser. That fit for awhile, or atleast kept her at bay. I have been pushing my femininity for years. One step at a time. Under dressing, women’s pants, breasts under my coat, and the list goes on. Each time she was slightly but never completely satisfied. I always dreamed of being able to be her.

Then a few months ago I embraced her fully, I’m bigendered. It’s not clothes or makeup but something deeper inside of me that needed to come out. I am very happy with results and coming out was even better as people just accepted me as me. I no longer have a dark secret to hide and am no longer afraid someone will find out and worried about what they will think. She is free and she is happy and pretty and loving life, and she is me. And while it seems fast it has been 30 years in the making.

So I am transitioning, what exactly does this mean? Well it means I am moving from my primary state being from that as a man to that as a woman. I am not getting rid of my name or my old life. I have been on this path for awhile now and when I look back it is obvious to me that I am bigender and am primarily a woman. I got another hole in my ears, started IPL hair removal treatment on my chest in the fall and have now started on my face. I am letting my hair grow out and I asked my doctor about voice therapy. And through all of this I do not feel like any less of a man just more of a woman.

And what about the big question? Am I willing to go down the HRT road? I have asked for a referral to talk to someone about that exact thing. I have post about the plus and minus sides which goes up tomorrow.

So my evolution and many transitions have each been a little scary and turned out to be wonderful. And here is the thing, I am still a man. I don’t feel like he is shrinking or going away as he is me. I am growing the rest of myself and it’s time for me to embrace her as much as I can, or rather want. I have often asked how far the rabbit hole goes, and I know I am not at the bottom yet and so it is time for me to be her, but don’t worry he is staying around for awhile yet.

And here is the important part, I can be as her or him as I want. I define me, not what everyone else thinks of me.

4 thoughts on “What does Transitioning mean for me?

  1. I think that the major event was coming out as being flexible and no longer having to worry about people finding out about you. That had to feel like a major lifting of a weight.
    It has to be a feeling of freedom and relief to now be in a position to be as him and as her as you choose to be.

  2. Hammer, meet nail. Nail, hammer. Wow Jessie, we have so similar thoughts. Great way to think about transitioning; there is no right way or same end point for everyone. My realization of being bigender took my 50 years! I though have a slightly more dominant male expression, but “she” has found a way into my life (ie, completely body hair free for over two years, painted toenails, longer fingernails with clear polish and always “moisturizer me” ;)…).
    Love reading your posts and following along. M.

    1. Thank you. People do have an idea of what transitioning is and that’s just a path but we decide our own path. It’s a fantastic feeling to take control on your destiny.

I love to hear from people who read my blog, even if your not in agreement with me. Your comments may spur me on to write something else so please comment.

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