There is a common term in the trans communities with “Going Full Time” or when one starts living full time as their gender as opposed to the one assigned to them. This tends to be planned out and for some is a celebration and may even have some anniversaries along the way. I have looked back and realised that without planning on it I have gone full time, well at least for now. When did this happen? I suppose likely sometime in December. I have been a man a few times since then such as for a conference and while teaching a few classes. But right now I can’t remember the last time I was a man by choice as opposed to necessity. I have worn a man’s shirt a few times, even yesterday I needed to record a video for the online learning platform at work and put on a mans shirt. But I am a full time woman right now.
So how does this all feel? Well, good. Up to this point I had always tried to set challenges for myself to dress as a woman, carry a purse, just wear panties, and others. But now I find myself not needing to set such goals and instead I am able to just to get up and get dressed and go about my day, it is just that my clothes are all women’s. Even yesterday when I needed to put on mans shirt for that video it felt like I was getting into costume for a production. I was of course playing a role at the time so the costume made sense. And while COVID-19 is keeping me at home I was going to work as a woman since January and even on work from home our daily video meetings I am a woman, with the social media post of us working from home on video chat had me in in womens clothing but it would have been hard to tell. So I sort of fell into full time womanhood and I am happier with it.
So how long will it last? Well I am not sure perhaps until it warms up or maybe forever. I have decided not to push womanhood onto myself and will take it as often as I like and in doing so have become much more comfortable with being a woman. Sure I sometimes have to man up but those times are getting fewer each week. The last time I was a man fully, well with the exception of my underwear, would have been the beginning of February and I don’t miss being him. Again I am not forcing him out I am just letting her dictate what happens, I have just come to the realisation that I am a woman who crossdresses as man every once and awhile. I am not about to donate all of my male clothes anytime soon though. As my supervisor said this week she knows how much I enjoy a suit and looking good and a dress is less likely to fill me with the same joy. This is true and while there are likely to be many situations where a dress will be my preferred clothing of choice there will still be many where a suit will make me feel awesome.
What I do know is that I am happier. I also know that I would not have choosen this had I been given the choice but now if given the choice to just be Cis I know I wouldn’t. Now pictures of my daily work life, you can find me on instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/jess81g/