So I’m a Crossdresser now what?

So you have sat down and muddled your way to the point where you have decided you are a Crossdresser.  First congratulations and welcome, the road ahead isn’t always easy but it can be very rewarding.  But you feel a little confused and have questions so let’s deal with them.

Does this mean I’m gay? 

Nope just means you like to wear women’s clothing and perhaps to emulate women.  Vast majority of crossdresser identify as heterosexual.

Am I transgendered?

Maybe as technically crossdressing is across gendering but the two are separated.  Though my handy definition is if you wish to live and be identified as a woman your transgendered but if you are primarily a man then you’re a crossdresser.

You say you’re Bigender, what does that mean?

So Bigender means I identify as two genders, this can be anything from the spectrum but for me I am a man and a woman, but still male.

But I sometimes fantasize about being a woman and having sex with a man, I must be gay and transsexual.

First I’m reasonably sure every man has wondered what it would be like on the other side.  Second you have a desire to emulate women it only seems natural to imagine all aspects of womanhood and to imagine yourself in those situations.  Give me chance to switch for a weekend I sure as hell would though I would likely want my penis back at the end.

So what clothes do I need to be a crossdresser?

Technically you don’t need any but I would likely designate this as non-practising crossdresser.  The answer though is whatever you want.  Panties, Bras, Skirts, Blouses, Dresses, purses, shoes, garter belts, corsets or whatever suits your fancy.  If all you want is a bra to wear under your t-shirt to give you that feminine chest and that’s it all the power to you.

Do I need a femme name?

Nope, I use my real name in person though online I use my middle name as it is male and female and is more of a pen name then a femme name.  I tried having a femme name and gave up.  But if you want one then go for it.

Do I need make-up?

Again no, it can be handy and fun but not a requirement.  I didn’t use much for years and now I’m all in.

Do I need to tell anyone?

If you have a significant other you should tell them as this is lifestyle that will affect your relationship.  Aside from that no but I do suggest telling someone.  These emotions bottled up can be dangerous, I suggest a female friend who may be able to help you shop but whomever you feel comfortable with.

How do I tell my girlfriend?

Well first decide if she is someone you’d like to be with, second gauge her feelings on LGBT, third ask yourself if she will tell all your friends.  After that there is only one way “Honey I like to wear women’s clothing”.

What about all these pronouns?  Who is a he and who is a she?

In the CD, TV, TG and TS community it is expected that you will refer to someone as the gender they are presenting.  So a man presenting as a woman is typically a she.  That said I’m a man in a dress you can still refer to me as he I won’t take offence, she just isn’t me and as such I prefer he.

Whenever I dress do I need to go all out with underwear, skirts makeup and all that?

No, wear what you want.  I rarely go all out as it’s a lot of work and is not required for me to get that feminine feeling.

So I need to shave everything?

You don’t need to shave a thing, seriously nothing though it does feel feminine and I suggest trying shaving your legs but it is not a requirement.  I have shaved body hair and a beard go figure.

How do I get cured?

First there is nothing to be cured from.  Second if you choose to view it as a disorder then I would equate it with an addiction as with smoking even if you quit that temptation will always be there.

Where do I find fake breasts and body shapers?

Online specialty stores, just look up “crossdressing clothing” and it’ll show up.

Why can’t I just be normal guy?

‘Normal’ is just a social construct that defines the social and cultural expectations of our society.  No one is normal we all have our socially unacceptable sides yours just happens to be women’s clothing.

87 thoughts on “So I’m a Crossdresser now what?

    1. I. Love to cross dress it make,s me feel very special. I think that sometime,s I was born to be female but whose to say. Huh ?

      1. I’m not ashamed and the fact that I have been with a woman fully femme and have had sex with her is still the best sex. And bisexual sex with her and a man. I’m not ashamed that i became a cocksucker. I’m happy with myself as a woman.

    2. Well I am a58 yo crossdresser married to a very $straight 57 yo man we have been married four a little over a year and we love each other very much and he know who I am from the start our relationship is I am the women he is the man and we love the way it has work I wouldn’t change a thing I love him and he loves me we our living in Florida now we go out everywhere together diner shopping you name it we do it yes the sex is out of this world lol and I love it we have a great relationship and have fun with it so if this helps anybody that’s great I am very proud to be a crossdresser

      1. I got a long story I’ve been dressing like that my grandmother was dressed me up like a little girl for so long and I liked it I’m in the wrong body I feel inside like a girl I can’t help it I feel very pretty inside

  1. Erm… I don’t know how else to say this but THANKS!
    I’m kind of struggling with it, and this gave me a bit of a boost. Cheers!

    1. Glad I can help. I have found that too many sites try to answers these same things either too complex or try to impose too much. I try to be a bit more laid back about what we do as it takes the pressure off, and I think some of the guilt.

  2. i am a gay crossdressing man i am comming out for the first time in my life i just told my mother i am for the first time in my life she hugged me and told me she accepted me and loved me as her son no matter what my sexuality was she even helps me shop for lingerie panties bras and lipsticks everything even helps me shop for dresses it was the hardest things i just had to come out for she even told me she kinda knew it for awhile but she wanted to hear me come out and tell her i am i just love my mother for accepting it she said it was like having two daughters know i just love my mother sooo much . love samantha marian barker

    1. I am so glad you had a positive experience I told my parents I was a cross dresser and my Mum wont accept it and dad told that it was passing phase so hurtful, but I told my childhood friend and now wife to be and she was a little confused to start but has accepted it and does help me out, but it has been a slow move forward. But in the end she gave me a famine Name of her choice and we get to joke about that side now. Good luck to all those starting out and just remember you are not alone. 🙂

  3. Hi
    C’ant agree more I have always liked women’s cloths got to a point three years ago and told my wife, she is not totally happy but allows me to dress every Friday and I always look forward to it.
    I have now got a complete wardrobe. I have a lot of fun dressing.

  4. I have read all the forums,letters,experiences,etc that I can find and I have discovered: whatever you are thinking some other guy is in the same place. We are a group with very similar feelings and reactions. The “hide & seek nature of the game is a big part of the allure.That’s why flashing a little lace is so exciting,as is coming out to a SA in a store.We need a way to identify each other in public ,it would be a far less lonely a trip.

    1. so, I take it,it been 🍑 and cream,well I think maybe, I am one of the few who is trapped in a nightmare.The younger woman trapped inside me, named, annieurok is little bitch, and she demands her time.We are locked in a struggle to see whos time it is. She became active before age 10, and thats when the love hate relationship emerges. My kids found out resently, now when we argue its fair game with my son, my daughter wants to be undersanding if I would open up. With my son, I am called a faggot and other indignities related to what close she leaves around or have been discovered. I am a construction worker for God sake. This means I have been a pussy all my days. My wife of 35 yrs new before marrige and now is far less liking it. Annieurok is wanting out more as I get older. I have never, almost, gotten down with a man. I just can’t get past the thought of our stink (whatever).If I could get a do over, I hound pussy, and that fucking bitch inside me, can go away to,,, who cthat. She would hide, as she does, at annieurok

  5. Thank you for this, and your amazing site. These feelings for me have just recently resurfaced after many years and I’m struggling a bit to deal with them. It’s euphoric and frightening all at once.

  6. I have crossdressed for years but approx. 5 years ago I have started getting strong feelings of wanting to be with a man and me the woman. It is getting more and more stronger. I am married but now sex in years she is cold. I soo feel I need to be a woman with this man

    1. Your wife is probably ” cold” because she knows you are CONFLICTED … It is a lot for a wife to handle when at marriage , this was not an issue. Otherwise, like myself who found out about my partner after 15 years and two daughters, I would have ” run like hell”. . Comprehende.? Let her go and do what you will. I am sorry I stayed another 30 + years ( alcoholism, kids blame me, can’t tell anyone, etc. etc.). It has ruined both of our lives….

      1. @Mary e Wow. Sounds like what you went thru was pretty terrible… I’m sorry to hear you spent 30 yrs on a horrible relationship. But not all men who are into CD are secretly gay, self absorbed or like the Anon guy above who’s thinking of being with a man. Most men in my family are tyrants and very masculine… and the women in my family have suffered greatly. Perhaps that’s why I got into asking my boyfriends to wear my clothing and makeup.

        The fact that your partner is into CD wasn’t the issue… It was that he most likely has a personality disorder, is abusive, selfish and sounds like an alcoholic.

  7. Id just like to say, ive been cross dressing for a few years but im scared to tell anyone.i think my parents would understand but im not sure about the rest of my family.would appreciate someone to talk to

    1. If you prefer to keep it under cover, then do so. Its okay to like it as a fetish. I understand that you would have friends and family that wouldn’t understand. It’s none of their freakin business. Not bringing it up is better if you want to keep everything status quo. If you’re like me, crossdressing represents a little part of your life.

      I’m married for over 15 yrs with kids, but I’ve been into crossdressing since I was about 11 or 12. When I was 8, my sisters used to dress me up like I was their little sister.

      I buy lingerie for the wife all the time. Once she told me, “you put this shit on”. I happily obliged. She started to get a little freaked out when I started to kiss her, so I backed off. I don’t want to restart my life. It would be great if she accepted it as harmless fun, and we put on makeup together and she tried to make me as passable as possible, but most don’t understand that crossdressing doesn’t make you gay. Having intimate, sexually based, relationships with the same sex makes you gay. Nothing wrong with being gay, though. If you are gay, I would suggest coming out, because being gay is harder than being a crossdresser. You can just take the panties and bras off. Someone that is gay can’t take off their sexuality. It just doesn’t work that way.

      You wouldn’t confess to your parents that you jerk off in your bedroom. So why would you want to tell them that, on occasion, you like to put on an outfit and make up and a wig, and breast forms, and stockings, and and and (maybe being a crossdresser is harder than I thought in the first place).

      1. Thank you for clearing this up for me. My male friend told me this past summer that he was “Trans”. But that’s all he said. We had to do laundry at the cottage and as I hung the laundry on the line I realized he had sexier underwear than I had.

        So I have been looking up stuff on the web and I was confused. Thankfully last night I got to ask him to elaborate on what he meant by “Trans” so he explained it. He told me he likes to dress up in women’s cloths. So I said like a cross dresser and he said ‘yes”. I found he was very honest with me and told me a few things. He also explain that he is very much into women.

        I am very great full that he trusted me enough to tell me.

        After I got home I texted him to let him know that if he ever want to get dressed up and go dancing that I would gladly go with him. his reply was “Fun!)

        He is an awesome guy and a great friend.

      2. You can take off the panties and bra, and as far as I’m concerned you still are crossdresser. I’ve just realized or admitted to myself this. I’m 56 and have done this since I was 14 yrs old. I’ve gone years not doing it but lately I’ve been way laid by this and I’m just going to go for it. It’s always made me feel a relaxing state of mind that I don’t get anywhere else. Lately just walking like s woman may ,thinking like her beeing in my mind as a her. I don’t necessarily need the clothes. It can be wonderful. I’m going to try and use this a a tool . Something that can bring an awareness you my not be able to get anywhere else. Thanks you.

    2. I know that feeling. My wife knows I dress but does not support me. It’s frustrating to want to share this with someone who will listen and not judge . I would love to find a woman who would talk to me about these feelings and share hers with me.

      1. Yes I would love to do the same my wife found out I crossdressed I used to hide my clothes in the loft she went mad
        I got rid of the clothes now I just wear a bra and panties when she is out I am too scared to buy any more clothes in case she finds them again she nearly divorced me last time

  8. I have been a cross dresser for most of my life. At 70, I’m glad to find out there are many men like me. My wife reluctantly, accepts my feminine side but the combination femininity and masculinity is who I am.

    1. Hi Sandra:

      I have a blog under review which, if it is released, may be of some interest to you. I’m 74 and recently widowed. We may share the same feelings. Would love to chat with you. Would you like to exchange e-mail addresses?


      1. Hi my story is the same as Sandra I want to find like minded people my wife found out I crossdress and nearly got me a trip to a court room so I have the want but can not express my self I would love to chat with u my gem name is Gina u may email me if interested

  9. Thanks to all of you for your comments. I find them to be soothing to read. The first time I remember dressing was when I was about 5 years old. I was attracted to my older sister’s play suits and dresses. I came from a large family so my parents were always busy. My father worked two jobs and my mother worked hard around the house, For much of my adolescence years Catherine, my older sister, was charged with taking care of me and my two younger sisters. So what did we do – with 3 girls and a boy among them we played house and played with dolls. The girls would dress up in some ladies clothes that a friend had given to my mother. Occasionally I was allowed to dress too playing the mothers role while my older sister was the father. I loved every minute of it and it set the stage for me for life.

    I met my wife when we were both 22. She did not like to see me wearing women’s clothes so it was a struggle for me. We had two children and 49 wonderful years together. Any dressing that I did was limited to costume parties or by myself when my wife was not at home. She passed away a little over two years ago. While I miss her dearly I am able to express my feminine needs any time that I want to. I am 74 years old and semi retired. I have some really neat skirts and dresses and lots of lingerie to wear under them. With the holidays coming I’m getting blue from the fond memories of my wife and family at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Wearing a dress helps me emotionally. While I could’n cry when my wife passed I am able to cry now. The combination of the memories of my wife, along with the emotions of feeling feminine, I am able to vent a lot of stress, so much that I feel much better after a good cry.

    My son and daughter would like to see me meet someone to share my life and have some enjoyment together. I am so entrenched with being feminine I don’t see that as an option right now. I would like to talk with others who like to dress up to share experiences and to share the emotional experiences of cross dressing.

  10. hi there jess t I read your post and find it interesting I am CD. and been for over a year an i am still exploring of coming out of the closet if you have any idea email me please Petra Fredrica52

  11. Thanks. My Girlfriend is aware that I crossdress, though, for the moment at least, it is just skirts and tights. I still don’t feel comfortable doing it around her but today we had the first serious conversation about it and she is worried I’m not accepting who I am and I should just do it.

    Sorry, I think I just vented more than anything.

  12. I feel more sensitive, caring and a better person when I cd. Honestly, I’m very masculine in a lot of ways, and I like my male aspects too, but cd brings me in touch with the fear and power that surround men in our society, and I’m kind of recoiling from that right now. I carry mace when I cd at night. That makes me sad; I never really understood assault from a woman’s view until I was out, and I think that’s important. Healing requires understanding. To me, cd is a healing, honest activity. I’ve come to realize I feel better about my body now. I’m more athletic cd. The only socially sanctioned athletic look for guys is the Arnold look or some variation, and I’m never going to be that. I don’t have a girl’s body; I have some of both like everyone, and now I can respect & celebrate that instead of tearing myself down at the gym.

    The first time I rode my bike out, my heart was going to pump out of my chest, they could have hooked me up as a life-support machine for 3; not from the possiblility of anyone seeing me, but the joy and freedom and courage. Also it was in the 40’s outside and I was wearing a running skirt and sportsbra and riding fast, hehe.

    My wife’s pretty open in all things. She doesn’t mind me cd’ing, but I was kind of disappointed when she made it clear that shaving is a turn-off for her. We have a fairly active sex life, and she is still the one after 15 years, so I look for a happy medium. I haven’t been out about it that long, although I’ve been a lady for halloween for years, so we’re still figuring it out. I am kind of sad that her tastes are not more androgynous; being out has made me whole. It’s such a turn-on for me, it’s hard to share when I know she’s ambivalent about the way I look. Kinda like I just got fat to her, lol, when I feel skinny & fast and capable on the inside (put me in a sportsbra and I will climb mountains…no offense to anyone @fat, btw, I struggled with weight since childhood, so I’ve a lot of baggage there, even though I’ve been pretty fit for most of a decade now [traded my car for a bike, never looked back]).

    That’s my story. Be yourself, respect others, Live! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  13. Thanks Jess for the encouraging words. I still don’t understand the reason why I crossdress but I accept it as who I am. Being a perfectionist is usually a negative thing but it sure helps when making myself into Jenny, especially with the application of make up. This is not an easy life but there are many rewards along the way of self satisfaction and the feeling of accomplishment expressing the fashion diva inside of me. And the sexual perks that usually present themselves when I’m out for the night….not that I go looking for it. Im truly amazed how many “straight” men have flirted with me and some have been very honest in their desire for being with me in every way imaginable….its all very flattering and one of the reasons i look forward to going out as Jenny. I’ve found there are no two crossdresser alike….we are as unique as the stories of how we started crossdressing. I think the biggest concern I have in my life at this time is growing old as a crossdresser….this is a life choice based on vanity, appearances and I don’t look forward to the time when I can’t wear my age inappropriate outfits, stilettos and my long hair…. : P
    but that’s just part of life isn’t it…..I’ve seen a few old crossdressers and it’s not always a pretty sight along with not getting the attention or compliments on their appearance.
    As a Latina, I’ve been blessed with good genes and dark features but at some point, will lose that over time. But in the mean time I will rock my Gianmarco Lorenzi pumps and have all the fun I can!!

  14. Thanks a lot really helped me as i am a cross dresser i am a 20 year old boy and have loved dressing up as a girl from the age of 6 i feel more happy fun hot and sexy in drag then i do in my own i have make up but i don’t use it but i would like to go in a make up shop and not feel bad
    For buying make up by myself but any one who thinks i am gay i am not i still think about girls and fucking them but just like the feeling when dressed up and some times i wish i was a girl just to make things a bit more easy for myself

  15. Hi my name is josh aged 20 and love to cross dress i have been doing it from the age of 6

    I do wish sometimes i was a girl cos love putting on make and love trying on new girl clothes all underwear legging bras tops dress ect.
    i like putting on sluty clothes
    Make me feel hot sexy hony and is a big turn on for me don’t think i will stop doing it
    I like putting on make up to but being a boy makes it harder cos i am not gay but if i buy it by myself some people will think i am gay not that i care and thank for helping me i feel strange and weird and some what confidence which make me happy when dressed up looking sexy

    1. I started crossdressing when I was about ten years old…I’d love to hear how other people first started crossdressing. I remember my mom left a pair of her boots out and for an unknown reason I put them on. I remember the feeling I had as I zipped them up over my legs and how snug they fit…i loved it and so I was hooked from there on. From that moment I moved on to my mom’s lingerie drawer full of Givenchy pantyhose. She had so many pairs of these wonderful pantyhose, they were called bodygleamers. They were support hosiery, beautiful sheen to them and fit so wonderfully snug. I wore them as pajamas every night. And my crossdressing blossomed from then on. Now i feel like a fasionista, still wearing every kind of hosiery to compliment every outfit….

  16. Hi i can relate to Jenny story i was in the same deli ma at that age but i am to do it in my place.I have learned that we will strive to be the woman we are to be in life.

    1. “we will strive to be the woman we are to be in life”……this is very true but not without the memories of the woman we were in the past. It would be fun to hear about the past experiences from other transgirls and their stories. In my early days the motivation was to look as “sexy” as I could. I found this to be true with more than a few girls….I didn’t have self confidence so dressing proactively was a way to compensate for this. I also received the attention and compliments I thought would give me confidence. I was always amazed how many straight guys had no issue hitting on girls like us. It was even more of a turn on for me to meet guys who were “on the fence” and curious about meeting transgirls. I found it was my mission to confirm their curiosity. Clubs were always a safe venue to meet guys but it never satisfied the novelty-seeking addictive behavior I had at the time. I knew a few of the girls at TV friendly clubs were hookers after 2:00 am. The thought of becoming a hooker, dressing as proactive as one and playing the cat and mouse game would satisfy my addictive behavior. I pursued this life for many years off and on until it just became an empty pursuit. I eventually moved on from this but that was my past experience as a woman or the woman I thought I should be….

      1. I have seen both sides of the acceptance issue – my mother and sisters and my wife. It seems that cross dressing rejection (if it were to occur) comes about when intimacy is involved. The first time I recall dressing was when I was about 5 years old. Some times with the support of my sisters or even my mother. Many years later when I became married it was stopped short, and therefore a serious let down to me. My wife would not accept any part of my dressing except for an occasional Halloween party. But to think I could share my feelings with her I was wrong. It became a big turn-off for her that never ended.

        My sisters and mother were different in that intimacy was not an issue. I frequently played house with my three sisters. We had dolls, a play kitchen and table and a script we enjoyed with each other. I was always the father, but I yearned to play a girl’s role. I would see my sisters “dress-up” in older woman’s clothes, sometimes looking rediculous but they didn’t care. It was a play thing so nothing else mattered. I wanted so much to be dressed as they were dressed; however, my older sister resisted every attempt I had made to convince her to let me wear the same clothes.

        Then one day when my older sister was out, my mother came to play with us. My younger sisters put on their usual dress-up clothes while I sat there and watched. Then I asked my mother if I could dress-up too. She agreed (reluctantly) and helped me select a dress from her used clothing closet. My younger sisters thought I was cool in a dress. From then on we played vigorously. There was no more father in the scheme, just all girls. When my older sister returned she too began to enjoy seeing me wearing dresses, although she thought I looked funny.

        Moving forward when I was 12 – 13 years old. My mother sewed a lot. This is what she did with many of the clothes that we used to dress up in. Many of the female clothes that she had were given to her by others in the community. She would either remake a dress or skirt for one of my sisters or she would disassemble the garment and use the material to make something else. This is what you did to make ends meet.

        One of my mother’s sewing projects was to make a semi-formal dress for my older sister to wear to a special school dance. For this, though, she purchased material from a clothing store and bought a pattern for the dress. The dress was navy blue taffeta with an A line skirt. A short magenta bolero jacket was made to cover the shoulders. I was home sick for a few days as she was nearing completion of the dress. Several times during that period she would call me into the dining room, which doubled as a sewing room, to try the dress on. My sister and I were the same size so mother was able to make progress on the dress when my sister was away at school.

        I loved the opportunities that I had to wear my sister’s dress. I’m pretty sure that my mother did as well. I modeled the dress before and after she took in the bodice. I did the same when she pinned the hem. She also fitted the bolero when I was wearing it. This was so much fun.

        A connection was made between my mother and I. She felt good about the way the dress finished out. After several times of modeling the dress I became more relaxed and I didn’t blush as much as I did earlier in the process. I remember her asking me how i liked it. Then I blushed even more when I said that I liked it. She smiled at me and said something, but I don’t remember what it was.

        The day before my sister would be home my mother wanted to see what her creation would look like in full dress. She went to my sister’s room returning with a slip, a girdle with nylon stocking suspenders, a pair of nylon stocking and a pair of black patten leather flats. She helped me put these clothes on. Then came the dress. Wearing it with the undergarments and shoes elevated my anxiety so much that a few tears came to my eyes. This didn’t go unnoticed by Mom. She had me walk back and forth so she could see how the dress “worked”. She even encouraged me to hold my legs closer together and to walk with a little grace.

        As I was modeling the dress the phone rang. It was one of my mother’s friends. They soon became involved in an extended conversation that seemed to last for an hour or more. Mother knew fully well that I still had the dress on, but she made no attempt to have me take it off. Instead, she continued to talk with her friend and, at one point, she described the dress she had made. Her friend (apparently) asked how she could fit the dress to my sister’s size while she was away at school. Mother said that I was modeling it for her and doing a good job.

        I had gone into the living room to “play” with my dress. I posed in front of a mirror, I sat on the couch with my skirt spread out and I just drooled over the stockings and shoes I was wearing. I wasn’t listening to the telephone conversation so I did not know when it was over, except that Mom surprised me when she walked into the living room. There I was with a beautiful navy blue taffeta skirt spread out on the couch with the skirt a little above my knee so I could see the nylons and shoes.

        I thought I was caught and would maybe even be punished, but Mom sat down next to me. She pulled me closer to her and put an arm around me. We talked about girls clothes and how nice they are. She asked me if I was enjoying wearing the dress. I said that I did, I liked it a lot. As mom held me in her arms she lightly rubbed my right leg. The crisp sound that taffeta makes when you touch it made me cry. It became even more sensual because I could feel her hands through the girdle. Because I had the skirt of the dress slightly raised a little bit of lace of the slip peeked out. I was so much in heaven.

        I asked Mom if she would make a dress for me. She said that she could make a dress but cautioned me about my father who likely would oppose such a move. This was not the first time that I wore my sister’s clothes. Ever since the days of playing house I became forever attracted to girls clothes. I had to be secretive about dressing, but sometimes I would eventually get caught. My father didn’t approve and would frequently spank me.

        I told mom that if she made a dress for me I would hide it and only wear it when no one was at home. This didn’t convince her either, instead she gave me a big hug and said it was time to take the dress off.

        For those brief few minutes Mom and I made an unforgettable connection that i remember today, several years after she passed on.

    1. There is nothing wrong with anybody called Barry wearing women’s knickers.
      If you feel there is, or feel guilty in some way, please don’t.

      If you like to wear women’s knickers, let the only problem you have be that the number of them that you have seems to continually increase.

  17. Thank you, you been a Big help in answering some of my questions, I’m fresh out of the closet now maybe 2 weeks, the one I though it would hurt the worst was my wife of 31 years. When I sat her down and told her a big smile came over her face and said ” I have a new friend now” let’s go shopping and get “Tammy” some pretty cloths. My wife is so accepting of this change, if I would have known I would have told her 31 years ago.

  18. I’m slowly working up the courage to tell my wife, but part of my challenge is that I don’t know how I want the conversation to end. Part of the conversation, of course, is to tell her I enjoy x-dressing, but I think it is also important to get her OK for the parameters by which I continue, and I have no idea what that is. What is it that I want? Do I want her to dress/play with me? Let me shop freely but dress discretely? Is it ok for me to dress with other gurls? I’m not sure what I want, and I have no idea what she is likely to agree to. (It probably doesn’t help that I my legs are much thinner and toned than hers are, and she couldn’t get away wearing the short skirts and tight blouses that I can!)

    I don’t know if I can trust my instincts, but my sense is that she suspects that I dress and avoids talking about it at all costs. My sense also is that telling her would do great harm to the marriage, because she will receive the news very negatively, and the marriage is important to me.

    But I must admit I feel quite burdened carrying around this secret.

    Thanks, all, for any insights.


    1. Better you are burdened than her. Read my post. She probably already knows that something is up, why not go ahead and tell her before she comes home sick from work and Finds you, like I did. Really not fair to someone you chose for a partner under less than truth …

      1. @Mary e “Better you are burdened than her”-??? That’s pretty mean and needlessly rude. Perhaps YOU are the one with the problem, or there’s a problem with YOUR marriage. But whatever is happening in your own life and marriage has nothing to do with the men here. These guys do it for different reasons…. and I, for one, have always enjoyed dressing my man in my clothes and and makeup. I prefer androgynous, straight men. A lot of women do, not just me. If you don’t like your husband or if you suspect that he’s gay, that’s between you two. But there’s no reason to get on here just to shame others for being into something you aren’t.

  19. I agree with everything! No plans to change anything. I am who I am. No cure? OK let’s roll!

  20. I had felt I wanted to wear feminine clothing from a young age, but it took a long time for me to accept it and make it a part of my normal life. I stress the word “normal” because I feel nothing but completeness wearing feminine clothes. I haven’t bought “men’s” clothes for ages; every item, including shoes, jeans or similar, is from the women’s range. I feel more myself now than I ever did when I wore men’s clothes but I still go out shopping wearing jeans or shorts because I’m often less comfortable in public wearing a skirt. Life to me is about growing and becoming, anyway.

    One important thing that I have to acknowledge is having not only the acceptance but also the unconditional support of my wife. She has seen my growth from those tentative first secret steps, and has always accepted and supported me with complete commitment; It’s a lot more than just clothes shopping together. She asked the question once if I was going to change gender. I didn’t know at that point (and I don’t know now, either), but we both agree that, if it happens, our marriage would continue without diminution.

    I cannot imagine what it would be like when a loved spouse doesn’t react the way my wife has done.

    1. I can’t imagine her reaction, myself. Post a note after about 5 years of this, when you daughters won’t bring your grandkids over because they are afraid. Is your partner ready to give up everything for your fetish??? Not me, pal. You can’t have it both ways. (47 years married, and DONE)

      1. Oh, no problem. However, it’s a long time more than 5 years. I’m in my mid 60’s, after all.
        But my wife is not you and her experience is different than yours, apparently.

        To assign labels such as “fetish” to it is not helpful to anybody, especially in my regard because this is not a sexual thing, although I understand that for some it may be. It’s not a fetish any more than my wife wanting to wear pants (if and when she did).
        But believe what you like about us. If my wife is OK with it, then who is anybody else to cast aspersions? Not even I can do that to her.

        It’s important to recognize that we all are different people and not to lay on each other our own feelings. Recognition is all that’s needed. And the chance to be different in the way that works for oneself and partner both.

        I was under the impression that this forum was to be supportive, or at least work towards an understanding.

        There are plenty of other places where we might experience the negativity of others. I have no idea why some would come here and vent unless there was something else going on.

        God knows that some crossdressers face difficulties at the hands of others that I cannot imagine. Compared with them, my difficulties are either non-existent or so trivial that they might as well be. I’m very fortunate.

      2. I will go with what PersonWhoIs wrote in reply. I too am confused as to why somebody should be so bitter and twisted that they seek out a forum that supports people that she hates so much just to vent.

        I have been with a spouse who crossdressed for several decades and our family is entirely supportive of his clothing choices. Our grandchildren are grown and fled the nest and love their grandpa. I think people such as Mary e are few and far between.

    2. I can tell you how I feel as a wife of 20 years. I am devastated.I discovered this,I was not told or shared with.Twenty years ago I believe I could have supported this. I actually do understand and empathize with the CD community.It breaks my heart that my husband has had to live with this shame,his words not mine, but my heart and trust are broken.Interesting that the last gentleman spoke of size and fitness.I am also larger and cannot wear this kind of lingerie.But the fact that I have an illness is much more pertinent.Kindness,honesty and intimacy are the important things.If you don’t have those ingredients in your marriage this will certainly break you. I love my husband more than life itself but the lies before my discovery and since have only shown me that this is a very selfish ‘fetish’.Even as I’m writing this I am in anguish.The tears won’t stop.I feel like my husband has died and I’m expected to have,build…a relationship with a person I do not know.I really felt that along with the encouragement you should see the world from our side.Please tell your SO in a kind way but be honest and share before if it’s possible.Some will handle it and some won’t but in your journey to fulfill yourself you won’t hurt someone else.Thank you for reading.

      1. @Kat,

        I’m very sorry to hear of the difficult time you’re having with it. With all due respect… It sounds like there is much more to the story than your hubby’s CD fetish. Do you suspect that he’s been cheating? Or that he’s being dishonest about his sexual preference?

        If he’s not cheating or hiding bi/homosexual tendencies I don’t really see a problem with him being into women’s clothing. After all… it’s just clothing. I’ve always thought it would be fun if a boyfriend/husband was into that. I’ve always felt it was ashamed that sexy clothing are *only made for women.
        I’ve always been the more adventurous one in my relationships. Art has also been part of my lifestyle and training. People with more creative leanings tend to be more adventurous and curious… but that’s not to say they’re more inclined to cheat. Is he a creative type?

        It’s understandable that most men will hide this fetish. Perhaps he’s always suspected that you’d judge him harshly and he just wanted something in life that’s his and speaks of his individuality. This notion that a person is only half a person until they meet their “other half” is delusional and unhealthy. People should be whole and healthy individually.

        I truly hope things work out for you both. That will depend on how you both communicate and how much compassion you have for one another.

  21. Help !….65 and a cross dresser told my wife a bout 1 and a half ago. she was quite surprised. I’d like to start dressing again, but….any how where do I start.

  22. God. I love men who love to cross dress. I’ve always hoped to walk in on a boyfriend/lover in women’s clothing or my lingerie. And yet… I usually have to BEG them to wear it!

    Bless you men who enjoy getting pretty. 😉 ❤

  23. I loved everything up until “how do I get cured? “. You made me feel comfortable until that point. It is who I am, no need to be “cured”. I’m not ready to accept this as who I am, but apparently this is what makes me happy. I should point out that I’m from Texas, lol. As far as experiencing the woman’s perspective, I do want…anal. but I have no desire to be with a masculine person. The female form is beautiful, and all I wish to do is celebrate that beauty. The sensual experience from clothes, to giving yourself completely to your partners desires. Sometimes I just want my cock to be used as a dildo, other times I want my entire body to bend to that beautiful feminine forms will. For whatever reason, the girly girls I tend to be attracted to, ate turned off by my submissive nature.

    1. While I appreciate your comment, I try to avoid overly sexual comments here. Just a preference for my site. Also the entire part of that statement was “I don’t think there is anything to be cured from” but some people do read it that way.

    1. I actually do, reasons I may not approve comments:
      1. They are way off topic
      2. They are way to sexual, I understand some people are all about the sexual fetish aspect but that isn’t the focus here
      3. They don’t make any sense, I have had a few that I look at and wonder what they are trying to say. Good writing is an important aspect of online communication
      4. I just don’t get around to it. I’m a busy guy and running a Crossdressing blog is a little lower on my list. Hence the responding 24 days late, for which I apologise.

  24. So I’m a crossdresser I know I am my girlfriend accepts it and likes it but for some reason I’m having a hard time accepting it one minute I do and the next I’m beating myself up asking why I do it any suggestions to accepting myself?

    1. Each person must accept themselves in their own way. Though for me engaging with and learning about it helped me a lot. Don’t conform to what some people think crossdressing should be, just do your own thing and enjoy what you enjoy. Though pushing yourself here and there to know your limits may also be of use.

  25. I am a 22 years and a straight guy but I just can’t crossdress because the situation I’m in. Part of that is that my brother is already bisexual and if I was a crossdresser it would give the final blow to let our family from appart. I’ve only been thinking about having an own place but I already have a promise to buy somone’s dad’s house to live togetter in because it’s too big to live alone in. This makes it almost impossible to crossdress. I’ve only been trying to think to let go of it but you know how it goes.. It always comes back and here I am.

  26. When I started noticing my attraction to my mothers underwear it was totally by accident.One day while playing outside a black one piece bathing suit caught my eye. At first, I just wanted to bring it home because maybe it was laundry but it seemed quite far away from the clothes line. I set it back on the ground…surprisingly I looked back and picked it up,a sudden urge to put the suit on came over me so I decided to hide my new find as best I could.The house was usually busy with normal family chores grass cutting,visiting relatives,relatives visiting, and shopping.The days of grocery shopping and visiting were few and far between so I would make excuses in hopes to stay home. Quite often just me and our dog were left in charge. Excitement came over me. I actually didn’t know what to do first because in the mixture I also discovered the joy of being totally naked. On some but not often enough nights I would streak across the yard. Getting choice of lingerie was limited to nylons and panties. Although the urge to explore deeper was put to rest because my mother happened to be much shorter and also it was taboo to be inside their bedroom. My interest in cross dressing is another piece to my puzzle as I can never fight with what is so I choose to find as much as humanly possible about this. In the process I’m also learning so much more. Health wise I continue to improve.Each new day I am truly grateful because I continue learning something newer about me each and every day.Thanks again for your time, Larry

  27. I’ve never openly spoken to a single soul about this. But something about your blog made me feel comfortable.
    I am a 38 year old heterosexual male in a long term relationship. As long as I can remember, age 6 or so, I’ve been fascinated with “girls” clothing.
    Until only within the past couple of years I’ve been ashamed of the fact that I like to wear lingerie and “cute” outfits. Lately I have accepted the fact that there’s nothing wrong with me and it’s merely a part of who I am. I love the way I feel, free, and a little naughty/sexy.
    My long time girlfriend is very liberal and accepting when it comes to lgbt rights, and gender roles vs the status quo. But is also a self proclaimed “prude” in the bedroom. She likes sex, but to say she is not adventurous is an understatement.
    She has seen me wear her more androgynous underwear before under the pretense of costumes or “because it’s more comfortable under my thermals in the cold “.
    I would not expect her to accept my dressing up in the bedroom, but I am feeling guilty that I have a collection of things I like to wear when I’m alone.
    Basically I want to tell her about it .
    My only fears are the possible repercussions as it pertains to trust after all of this time, as well as our sex life. I am planning on proposing soon and want to lay it all out.

    1. I can offer no advise, just support and solidarity and hope it all works out for you. I am happy you felt you could open up here and that something I wrote helped you.

      1. This sounds very familiar. Your concerns are valid and justified. I have recently told my wife and the destruction of trust and being made aware of years of deceit is threatening to destroy our marriage and the life we have built together. I understand your need to share, but approach it with great care.

  28. This so good to read Im 43 and am very confused with the need to talk but no one to talk too.
    I have had a secret love of womens clothe since I was small which Ive supressed on and off.
    I have now been married 19 years have 2 teenage sons .
    I have tried my wifes clothes on a few times in secret but just told myself to stop it .
    About a month ago I saw a pair of faux leather jeggings for sale and just bought them since trying them on a few times this amazing feeling comes on and its stronger than its ever been to the point Im researching it to death I cant get ot out of my mind but dont feel I can tell anyone.
    My wife comes from a very “proper” back ground if you will and am sure would not see it from my view
    I too am a well built and dont my body lends itself to being a women

  29. I’ve been dressing since 1998. It all started when I wanted to to laundry but both machines were full. As I walked out I spotted my roommates girlfriend bra and I felt how soft and smooth it was. I went into bathroom and tried it on. Then I saw tube of lipstick and applied it on my lips. Since then I’ve been buying more & more women’s clothes/going to Victoria’s Secret buying bras/panties/lipsticks/perfumes/lotions. Also going on line buying dresses/slips/heels/boots/leggings. It’s so much fun dressing!! What a thrill!! I also bought d cup breast forms and they are so real!! They fill out my bra. Now I’ve met 2 women playing tennis and become great friends with them but they don’t know of my dressing. We’ve gone out many times for dinner/dancing as well playing on usta mixed team for last 3 years. I’m scared and afraid what they will think once they find out. This is reason I’ve never had girlfriends/nor ever kissed or been kissed by girls. The dressing is addictive and I’ve spent to much money to purge. My masseuse told me to be me and not worry or try to impress anyone. I’ve always wanted to have girls dress me but I’ve been in hospitals with numerous operations with law our accident when I was 2 years old. Im 45 with girl I like and my mixed partner she’s 30 and I’m worried about age gap. If I want to make this friendship a relationship I’ll have to come out of closet. I’m afraid what her reaction will be. I’m thinking of wearing women’s slacks/boots to my masseuse and if she notices or brings this up I’ll confess and come out. It’s just a matter of time and I’m really nervous and scared what reaction will be as they all like me and think I’m a nice guy but this would send shock waves. What should I do?

    1. I have been crossdressing most of my life I’m married my wife knows I like to wear bras and panties but she hates it and told me to stop
      So now I wear my clothes when she is out and I’m home alone I have no intention of coming out and telling people this will only ruin my marriage

  30. I am definitely a cross dresser! And I’m open to being with men. But I predominantly like passable transgender. What do I do? Where do I go?

  31. I love your simple commentary. I have dressed on and off for 40-50 years, but over the last four it has become obsessive and addictive. I think it has also compensated for a lack of intimacy with my wife, as it has become my de facto sex life. I do not want to ‘come out’ and be a woman in front of others, it is a very private thing. The bad thing is that over the years, the split personality and fear of discovery has affected my marriage deeply, and threatened to wreck it. I see it as a form of addiction, and recently began using addiction therapies to put control and manage it (and thus avoid it ruining my life). This has worked to the point I feel no urge to dress, and feel complete in a way not felt for many years. But at the last moment, I relapsed and saved a few images off a very soft site, of pretty trans people. One stayed active on my laptop and appeared at a very sensitive moment when I was sitting next to my wife. Her inital shock and anger has developed into a huge and deep crisis between us. She is not that upset by my being CD, but by the deceit and lies behind it. The split personality and introspection of undercover dressing has also fuelled early affairs and a deep habit of concealment and defensive behaviour that has deeply damaged my marriage. I love my wife and can see how much I have hurt her, and how I have failed as an effective and caring partner. She wants to end our marriage, due to the chronic deceit and lies, not the CD issue itself. We are talking, but only just. She insists I tell our kids (in their twenties), to be honest and avoid skeletons dropping out of the sky later on. But it is a very private thing. Why do they need to know if I have no need to go further and ‘come out’, and the need to dress has gone? While I am almost relieved she knows and has even joked about it, I want it to stay between us. She is finding the deceit very hard to handle…which underlines how honesty much earlier can resolve many issues. We have both been to hell and back in the last few days. I face losing my wonderful wife and the life we have built together. Can anyone comment or help?

  32. I wish that people would be more open-minded it seems like a woman could dress up like a man but if a man dresses up like a woman he’s labeled as a crossdresser so is any must be gay I am a crossdresser myself and I just wish that I can go out in public dressed as a woman and not come and not be labeled if it’s okay for a woman how come it’s not okay for a man I think it is stupid and I say I wish to people would be more open-minded

    1. Rob, I agree.

      This whole “women can wear pants and they are still just women, but men wearing “women’s clothes” are gay/bi/queer/transgender and therefore bad or perverted” is truly tiresome.
      I too wish that people would be more open minded, but I’m not going to hold my breath. it’s not only “crossdressers” but also atheists, liberals, conservatives, rappers, people with a different skin color and more that are victims of the same inability to live and let live.

      Although i wish I felt safe enough to go out into the big world wearing the clothes that I feel most comfortable in, I understand that there are real, not imagined, reasons that it’s often not a good idea. It makes a difference if my wife is with me and I’m wearing something feminine (except a skirt or dress). My daughter (age 43) completely accepts me too and helps sometimes with makeup and choosing clothes to buy. I am beyond able to say how grateful I am for her and her Mom/my wife, but it’s still difficult.

      I wonder if it’s safer to be one in a crowd. I’m sure that the various parades (pride etc) are great ways to get out in public, so if you are able to become friends with others like you and have a girls night or day out, it would be a wonderful experience..

  33. I just recently admited to myself that I’m a crossdresser I’ve denied it for years and it’s caused me intense battles in my head it feels so good to say it … yes I am a crossdresser and I’m so glad that I can be myself

  34. Pleasantly surprised to see this forum here, and interesting to read accounts of people who crossdress or who are their wives. Dismayed to see there are some who do nothing but complain and condemn crossdressers.
    I’m a crossdresser and realize that most of my problems came from my own fears and imaginings. Of course I do not put myself in harms way but it seems to me that we have nothing to fear except fear itself.
    It was really good to read from people who don’t have a bad view of crossdressers. Makes me realize that even when our society seems to be nothing but division and petty disagreements etc, there are people around who are more interested in being human and accepting other humans. To them I say thank you.

I love to hear from people who read my blog, even if your not in agreement with me. Your comments may spur me on to write something else so please comment.

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